Faith, Folly, and Flying Chairs

What is Church? Generally, when we refer to such, we mean a group of Christians, who have gathered to worship, or a building to do so in. My church, for the most part, fills that description.

Indeed, it does so quite well, that is, until the Wednesday night service rolls around. You see, during this service, the Teenagers are separated from the Adults, and attend their own meeting, hosted by the Youth Pastor, in the "Old Church Building". Order of Events- perhaps I should leave it at events, there is no order- are as follows:

1 Singing of Songs. I know exactly what you're thinking-"Oh, Amazing Grace, and Come Thou Fount" right? Wrong. You see, singing ordinary songs would be to.... well, ordinary! We couldn't have that! Rather, we sing the songs of old, and by that, I mean Sunday School. And not Jesus Loves Me either, these songs must be violent. I think of one in particular, called I've Got a River of Life. It goes something like this-

I've got a river of life flowing out of me

Makes the lame to walk and the blind to see

Opens prison doors, set's the captive free

I've got a river of life flowing out of me

Chorus:

Spring up the well

(And here you make cute little hand motions and "goosh-goosh" noises, indicating your are retrieving water from a well)

In my soul

Spring up the well

(More amusing hand motions, and "splish-splash" sounds)

And make me whole

Spring up the well

(Now here is where things get interesting. You are supposed to say "whoosh!", and throw your arms open wide, indicating a torrent of "Holy Water", or something. Now, as small minds are easily amused, it became customary for us to, in swinging our arms, smack the person on each side of us in the chest. Time went by, and now, no one even bothers to say "whoosh!". What happens next is hard to explain. As soon as the last line you read is sung, a reenactment of Armageddon takes place. There is a flurry of motion, a voice like unto many waters,(or new seventh graders screaming in terror), and critical mass is achieved. Twisted, superheated chairs go flying through the air, pens, and pencils take on the role of shrapnel, bystanders are disemboweled by Hymn books traveling at Mach 7+, and seventh graders go careening through the windows. I am dead serious. You see, we no longer just smack each other in the chest, rather, mosh occurs. This little escapade lasts for about five minutes, and the survivors reassemble.)

And give to me

That life eternally

2 The Message is given