Christians, Combat, and Going To Jail Because You Behave Like a Gorilla

On a windy day in one of the Bible-Belt states, an atheist stood in the center of a Speakers’ Corner, and began a demonstration in which he attempted to prove the nonexistence of God. “I’m giving God five minutes to prove his existence by knocking me off this platform!” he cried. As the minutes passed, he continued to taunt God, counting down the seconds: “Ooh, you’ve only got two minutes left, God, you better hurry!” Many passers by were amused or offended by his exploits.

Adjacent to this square was a park in which several college students were playing football. One of them, a Christian, overheard the atheists cries, and approached to investigate. The atheist remained relentless in his mockery: “God has only thirty seconds left! Looks like man is too much for him to handle!” The student, who was, of course, offended by these remarks, took a stance, and tackled the demonstrator to the ground. As he stood over the atheist, the student looked down and sneered: “God was busy so he sent me.”

“Your omnipotent God is busy?” was the man’s reply.

“Apparently.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.”

The student was confused. “And why is that?” he asked.

“Well, if your God is busy, there will be no one to protect you.”

Before the footballer could respond, he was knocked to the ground and held there by several Law, Science, and Archeology students performing a citizens arrest. When they were sure of the athletes’ immobility, they attended to the elderly atheist, who had suffered several minor cuts and bruises. Soon the police arrived, and were informed of how the football player had committed assault and battery against a man practicing his guaranteed right of free speech. It was for these charges that the student was convicted, found guilty, and punished accordingly.

I’m sure that my little twist on this story has many of you “up in arms”, as you may misinterpret it as an attack against Christians. This is not the case; nor is it a criticism of atheists. The purpose of this article is to criticize the original fable in itself. Now, the first half of this story is typically meant to be inspirational to Christians, and is told in Churches everywhere. I added the latter half to expose the absurdity of said narrative. There are several reasons why this story is flawed, and should not be used as a cute or motivational tale. Firstly, we know that God is, in the Judeo-Christian religion, an omnipotent (or all powerful) being. So, for him to be busy would be an impossibility. A being with infinite power cannot become preoccupied. Apathetic, or disinterested perhaps, but not “busy”. I don’t believe I need to explain this further.

So, since we have highlighted the underlying faulty logic of this account, let’s explore it’s glaringly benighted quality. We find a Christian, the protagonist, just as his belief in God is challenged with logic. How does he respond? Aggression. Is this the standard by which Christians claim to live? Is it not taught that we are to love our enemies and turn the other cheek? Does not the Bible say that we should “answer not a fool (one who does not believe in god) according to his folly”? We criticize Islamic extremists for advocating aggressive behavior, yet we giggle at the account of a man assailing an innocent victim in the name of religion! We should not be sending this message to anyone in our sphere of influence , lest they take it to heart, and make everything that the world believes about Christians a reality. Rather, we should develop logical, rational arguments with which to defend our beliefs (as did Jesus). Either do that, or just stay out of it.

I Make You Smile

I remember once I was sitting outside of a Walmart, eating a doughnut, when a middle-aged business woman walked out. She was obviously stressed, and in a hurry. I was in a hurry too. It was for this reason that I was eating my doughnut as quickly as possible, and my mouth was completely full. It must have been pretty bad, because as she glanced at me, she seemed quite taken back. So I smiled. I hauled off and gave that lady as big a smile as I could. I must have looked like a psychotic chipmunk. The lady tried to hide her smile, but it didn't work, and she walked by me grinning too. Anyone can hurt people, but when you brighten up someone's day, that's special.

Third-Graders, Theology, and Independent Thinking

A host of nicely dressed children are assembled in a cold, concrete floored, room whose walls are constructed with equally benumbing cinder-block walls. They chatter away about the latest in third-grader news, commentating on such topics as popular ice cream flavors of the day, and Willy the stupid kid in the first row, and how he doesn't even like ice cream, and Lucy directly behind him, and how hilarious it would be to throw something at her, and how much MORE hilarious it would be if she blamed the kid next to her, and how Willy would probably ruin it by settling the argument, and how much more stupid that would make him. We watch as a middle-aged woman strides to the front of the room; at which the children immediately direct their attention, and grow as quite as can be. "Okay Kids", she begins, "let's start things out with a song." The children lift their voices in unison with a somewhat halfhearted "Yay". "Are you ready?", asks the teacher. "Yes, Mrs. C." comes the equally halfhearted reply from the audience. Mrs. C. then cups her hand to her ear and repeats the question- "I cant hear you- Are you ready?" At which the children erupt into an astounding chorus of thunderous "YES"-es. You see, this time, Mrs. C. holds, in her free hand, a bag of candy. "What song shall we sing?". The children thrust their arms upward in a spasmodic, tendon rendering fashion, and squeal with utmost anxiety- "OOH-OOH, Mrs. C!!!", and some, growing impatient with the passing seconds, completely defeat the purpose of even raising their hands by shouting their desired selection. Mrs. C. directs her gaze toward Willy, whose hand reluctantly and jerkily lifts to his slouched shoulder. "Yes Willy?" asks teacher, as quietly and soothingly as a breeze crossing a springtime meadow. Willy blushes and replies meekly- "I like 'Walk the Bible Way'." The teacher looks pleased- "Excellent choice Willy". This statement causes quite a bit of murmuring among the other attendees as they are quite certain that this would be impossible- what with Willy being stupid and all. "Here we go-" begins Mrs. C., and the children join...

Walk, walk, walk the Bible way

Read your Bible daily

Don't forget to pray

Walk, walk, walk the bible way, read your Bible every day

Smoking Drinking Fistfight and Dirty Talk

Jesus says 'No-no don't do it!'

Walk, walk, walk the bible way, read your Bible every day.

Yes, dear reader, we find ourselves in sunday school. The teacher ends the song with a- "Good job everyone", and proceeds to hand out candy to the "Best (most enthusiastic) Singers", after which she returns to the front of the classroom to be thoroughly startled by "Grumpy Bear" who peeked around the corner halfway through the song and began a journey to the podium with the intention of making off with the candy, much to our dismay. Try as they may though, the children are unable to alert Mrs. C. to this during the song. Grumpy Bear is just making his way around the corner with our precious candy, when he is apprehended by the returning Mrs. C., who, much to our delight, gives him a good whoppin' with an enormous a frying pan whose origin is enshrouded in mystery, and the subject of a considerable amount of dispute. All the children cringe and cheer with each entirely fake blow from the pan. All that is, except for me. Yes, that's right, I'm one of the students. See, right there next to Willy; his only friend. I am still dwelling on the song. "Jesus says 'don't do it' " says I to myself. "Has he really, or is that just what you say?" My thinking is interrupted by a cry of "No!" from my fellow students as they have just been asked if Grumpy bear should get a spanking for having a bad attitude. "Jesus hasn't said anything to me" I continue, "Come to think of it, I haven't even seen Jesus; that's troubling." Grumpy bear begins a long heartfelt apology to Mrs. C. "But that's just Faith I suppose, believing in something you can't see." methinks. "So many unanswerable questions in this world" as I wave goodbye to Grumpy Bear and smile at Willy, who seems deeply moved by Grumpy Bear's performance. "Oh well, when I get older I'll understand.".... Well, I'm older now, and have found that not only do most of my questions remain unanswered, but they have multiplied, each question giving way to more, in a devastating chain-reaction of uncertainty. I have been taught that, as a Christian, I am to base my beliefs on Scripture, and all of our standards have their origins in The Bible. On the other hand, I have found that, some of these standards which are so fervently supported by those with influence over me are troublesome; sometimes impossible to directly compare with scripture. Could it be that some of these regulations were placed by individuals who simply assumed that the matter which they (the regulations) concerned was immoral based on personal belief rather than scripture? If so, why enforce this on other individuals? It is possible that this practice is done with every good intention; it is also possible that this is simple hypocrisy. There is a category in which these rules that are based on personal preference lie; it is called "Legalism". Recently, there has been much dispute as to what exactly the definition of Legalism is. Not long ago, I heard a certain individual criticizing those who use the word in the context mentioned above, stating that it's true definition concerns salvation. His argument was that the word "Legalism" is really used to define one's belief that salvation is achieved through "works" rather than Faith is Jesus Christ. I was quite taken by this remark, and got right down to that dirty eleven-letter word: researching. I found that, this (the definition concerning salvation) is, in its raw form, the true definition. However, only in the most intensely technical sense, you see. The New Oxford American Dictionary defines Legalism as: "An excessive adherence to law or formula." and, in the Theological sense, "Dependence on moral law rather than on personal religious faith." Notice that it does not say: "Dependence on moral law rather than on personal religious faith for salvation". Rather, we are to assume that it means dependence on these things in general. So, one who practices legalism in this sense is one whom we could call a legalist. I find it interesting that these individuals have a habit of boasting about the fact that they interpret the Bible "literally", and saying this is how it should be. However these same individuals often will defend their personal views, if they are challenged with scripture, by saying such things as: "Well, that's not really what it means.", and, "If you understood the Greek meaning of that word...", and so on. That just really irks me. When a legalist comes across some scripture he does not like, he will say that: "If you look at the Greek meaning of that word you will see that it can mean several things...", and then he will go on to choose the definition which best suits his personal beliefs. It is true, many Greek words have several definitions, but the translators who wrote the Bible did not see these words and interpret them literally, or, word for word if you will- Of course they didn't! The Bible as we know it would be absolute gibberish! Rather, these Scribes understood what the ancient texts meant ideologically, and translated them into English, choosing the right words to best convey what the original author was saying.

I have found that much of my life has been plagued by these legalists, and there are many privileges that I have been denied as a result of which. For instance- I have never been to a Movie Theater. Seriously. "Why," you must say, "that's ridiculous!". And it may be, but that's the rule. I have never been on a date. Seriously. "That's stupid too!" You probably cry. And that may be, but it's the rule. The most secular our music becomes, is during Christmas-time, when we listen to Dean Martin. Seriously. By now you must be weeping in disgust as you find these things preposterous, and they may be, but these, my friends, are the rules. Much of my life has been sheltered beneath a veil of controlling individuals who quickly extinguished any sign of free will or personal opinion (besides their own). It was not until recently that it first dawned on me, but I had never questioned any of these rules. The thought had simply not crossed my mind. But now I am aware that this, our ability to think for ourselves; our capacity for independent thought, is what separates us from the Gorillas.

All my life I have been blindly accepting whatever I was told, without even the slightest amount of forethought! I have decided to try and write about some of these controversial issues (that is, if I survive the ensuing pandemonium and uproar of infuriated legalists who may read or otherwise hear about this). I plan to look at these issues objectively, having researched them thoroughly. Speaking of research, it may be interesting to note that legalists often do little to no objective research; they rarely appreciate what they find...

This Man's Army

As you may have gathered in reading a previous post of mine, I am not very fond of these silly songs we sang in sunday school as children. The primary reason for this is that most (if not all) the songs we sang involved hand motions. Now of course there's nothing wrong with a little bitta' that here an' there, but apparently that's the only thing capable of getting youngsters involved in a song service. There were such favorites as "Sunshine Mountain", and "Jesus Loves me", in which we would pretend to climb, or, in the latter case, we would use sign language as we sang. These weren't so bad I suppose. Then there were others, like "Father Abraham" which had no spiritual application whatsoever, and started with an innocent waving of ones arm to and fro, and gradually spread to each of the limbs and head with each verse, escalating into a despicable routine of one waving ones limbs about, nodding ones head up and down, and turning in circles; all the while trying to sing the same song that got them into this predicament over the period of fifteen minutes. Such songs I despised for several reasons - Firstly, they rarely seemed (to me) to carry any spiritual value, defeating the purpose of going to church. Nextly, they were very loud. I was not fond of loud. Not even a teeny bit. In fact, my greatest fear as a child was not the monster in the closet, but rather the vacuum. That vacuum could put a whoopin' on that monsters afterquarters. Because it was loud. Excessively so. Come to think of it, I still loath vacuums. Eitherhoo, back to the song service. Ah, my reasons for hating the songs- The last and most important reason is as mentioned earlier, the inclusion of hand motions in these songs. Why, you may ask? The answer is simple. ...Well perhaps not quite so simple as you would hope, but simple by my standards. You see, these hand motions were often quite complex and me- well I'm afraid I'm just not very coordinated. Quite the opposite. In fact it would almost be safe to say that I am- NOT -coordinated. At all. So here is me, who can barely think and breath at the same time, trying to wave my arms around, nod my head, and turn in circles, all without killing someone. It was simply humiliating. I didn't go to church to catch up on my Yoga, heck no! There was, however, one very special song involving such mime techniques that I rather enjoyed. This song was, in my eyes, a way of getting back at all my ignorant narrow minded companions. How you ask? Because the song involved Martial phraseology, that's how! It was the perfect opportunity for me to display my vast knowledge of history and all things military! These jokers would look like imbeciles, while I, much to their dismay, perfectly executed military procedure! The name of the song was- "The Lord's Army". The words an actions to the verse go something like this:

I may never march in the Infantry

(While marching in place)

Ride in the Cavalry

(While galloping on a virtual horse)

Shoot the artillery

(We were to smack our hands together leaving one to continue onward, indicating the trajectory of our projectile)

I may never fly 'oer the Enemy

(With arms outspread, of course, indicating the wings of an aircraft)

But I'm in the Lord's Army -Yes Sir!

(and we would pull a salute)

Now, here is where I got my revenge. You see, I had at my disposal a certain fifteen hour documentary of World War Two Footage with Walter Cronkite, which I watched whenever given the opportunity. Hence there was nothing I did not know when it came to military procedure. So while these chums are pulling off their cheesy antics, I can totally OWN them with my (drum roll) "HISTORICALLY ACCURATE VERSION" (yes I even named it). It went like this:

"I may never march in the Infantry"

(Instead of simply marching like some pansy boy scout, I, being the young idealistic Fascist that I was, would do the goose step. In place. Honestly.)

"Ride in the Cavalry"

(Rather than gallop away in a disorderly fashion as everyone else, I was busy staying my mount and gathering the reins, keeping him calm in all the confusion while waiting for the order to charge.)

"Shoot the artillery"

(While the others smacked their hands together, I shielded my ear with my free hand and turned my head a way from the virtual blast that followed my yanking the firing cable thing.)

"I may never fly 'oer the Enemy"

(Now everybody knows that you don't spread your "wings" when you fly, but, when your on your way to bomb the shiitake outta the enemy, you must have a navigator on your crew. So I filled that role, tracing waypoints on a virtual chart with a virtual marker and yardstick.)

"But I'm in the Lord's Army -Yes Sir!"

(During which I would replace "Yes Sir" with a hearty "SIEG HIEL!!!", and outstretch my downturned palm in a "German" salute, cause those look way cooler.)

Needless to say, my version didn't quite have the effect which I had anticipated. Rather, people just kinda looked at me funny. Come to think of it, much of my life has been just that- people looking at me funny. Ah well, sooner or later folks will wise up and figure that I just know everything. Then they won't be laughin' will they?!!! Any minute now...

Devious Dudes Indeed

Have you read the post "The New and Improved Dysfunctional School" about my school? If so, you will recall my remarks about Gym class and its everlasting significance in our school. I was genuinely shocked to see that they actually shortened Gym to one half our, as it was, in previous years, two hours long on certain of our seven hour days. Seriously.

This absurd act of abbreviating Gym class was, however, short lived. It was announced last week that, due to the fact that students were "suffering from an inability to complete their homework as a result insufficient class time", school would be.....exteeeeended....for an extra fifteen minutes. Now, pray tell, what difference does it make if your homework is done at school, or at home? Let's just pretend for a moment that it does. Do you think "The Administration" did indeed give us a fifteen minute "study hall" in which to do our homework? Of course not. What to you think they did instead- hmm? GYM!!! SURPRISE!!!

And, as if that's not enough, our Bible teacher, who is also our Gym teacher, recently took sick. Normally, when this sort of thing happens, the school will send for a sub teacher to teach in the stead of the absent teacher. Perfectly understandable right? Wrong. You see, rather, we skip Bible class altogether and instead begin our next class, leaving an entire extra hour on our schedule. Do you suppose that this "open" is given us to increase our study time? Of course not- blasphemy! What, do you think we do instead? GYM!!! HURRAY!!! This is understood as proper procedure in the instance of said teachers absence.

Now, don't get me wrong. Is there anything wrong with Gym class? Absolutely not. BUT, when you extend school solely for the purpose of extending Gym, and tell the parents that your intention is to increase study time, I say you may be a tad deceitful. And, don't you find it a bit strange that one would skip Bible and replace it with Gym in a Christian School?

Faith, Folly, and Flying Chairs

What is Church? Generally, when we refer to such, we mean a group of Christians, who have gathered to worship, or a building to do so in. My church, for the most part, fills that description.

Indeed, it does so quite well, that is, until the Wednesday night service rolls around. You see, during this service, the Teenagers are separated from the Adults, and attend their own meeting, hosted by the Youth Pastor, in the "Old Church Building". Order of Events- perhaps I should leave it at events, there is no order- are as follows:

1 Singing of Songs. I know exactly what you're thinking-"Oh, Amazing Grace, and Come Thou Fount" right? Wrong. You see, singing ordinary songs would be to.... well, ordinary! We couldn't have that! Rather, we sing the songs of old, and by that, I mean Sunday School. And not Jesus Loves Me either, these songs must be violent. I think of one in particular, called I've Got a River of Life. It goes something like this-

I've got a river of life flowing out of me

Makes the lame to walk and the blind to see

Opens prison doors, set's the captive free

I've got a river of life flowing out of me

Chorus:

Spring up the well

(And here you make cute little hand motions and "goosh-goosh" noises, indicating your are retrieving water from a well)

In my soul

Spring up the well

(More amusing hand motions, and "splish-splash" sounds)

And make me whole

Spring up the well

(Now here is where things get interesting. You are supposed to say "whoosh!", and throw your arms open wide, indicating a torrent of "Holy Water", or something. Now, as small minds are easily amused, it became customary for us to, in swinging our arms, smack the person on each side of us in the chest. Time went by, and now, no one even bothers to say "whoosh!". What happens next is hard to explain. As soon as the last line you read is sung, a reenactment of Armageddon takes place. There is a flurry of motion, a voice like unto many waters,(or new seventh graders screaming in terror), and critical mass is achieved. Twisted, superheated chairs go flying through the air, pens, and pencils take on the role of shrapnel, bystanders are disemboweled by Hymn books traveling at Mach 7+, and seventh graders go careening through the windows. I am dead serious. You see, we no longer just smack each other in the chest, rather, mosh occurs. This little escapade lasts for about five minutes, and the survivors reassemble.)

And give to me

That life eternally

2 The Message is given

Attack of the TEA Tank

Remember my comment in The Ever Notorious Tigger Tank post about the English and their very scary tea tank? Well it turns out, I may very well have said B.S, Tank! It has come to my attention that the English have, with all their wisdom. (Are you ready for this?)- banned Michael Savage from entering Britain. I just have one question: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!!! Come on, BAN THE GUY because he speaks out against your crumbling Communist society? I can understand trying to argue your point on TV or something, like normal people do when they are challenged, but.....BAN THE GUY? How about Bill Ayers, a known terrorist, did they ban him? No, he supports their Communist Ideology. How about Michael Jackson, a pedophile? Of course not, he endorsed their immoral philosophy. I can understand the banishment of such people as Erich Gleibe, Fred Phelps, and Abdul Musa, all terrorists, Nazi's, or wackies in some way or another.

But a radio talk show host? I did some looking into this matter and found that UK home secretary, Jacqui Smith stated that Michael Savage was banned due to the fact that he is "considered to be engaging in unacceptable behaviour by seeking to provoke others to serious criminal acts and fostering hatred which might lead to inter-community violence". Serious Criminal Acts?!! May I ask what these EEENGLEESH types define as a criminal act besides allowing people to posses and defend moral personal freedoms? Mrs. Smith, if you see Mr. Savage as a threat because he endorses principles our country was founded on, namely freedom and pursuit of prosperity, perhaps we should have let the Germans run your afterquarters into the ground during the First and Second World Wars. When one speaks out against you and you cannot simply argue your case intelligently, as is customary among civilized peoples, perhaps you are afraid of something. I think that something is the ability of your people to sense what is good, and right, and you can lie to them and brainwash them all you want, but an Englishman's sense of good will not be snuffed out, and sooner or later they will catch on. I think you are afraid there may be another Winston Churchill among you. Mrs. Smith, I hereby ban you from my country, the U.S.A. because you are an imbecile. Isaac out.

The Ever Notorious Tigger Tank

Often, people are interested in various cultures for what they represent. For instance, what comes instantly to mind when one says - Latino: tacos, sombreros, and of course Zoro.

How about French? Mustachioed, beanie wearing men who have a tendency towards their feminine side, nude statues, and that tall pointy tower that looks slightly drafty.

You may be surprised, but I am drawn towards the cultural history of the Germanic peoples. Why is this? They can't cook, they can't draw, and singing isn't quite their thing. It would seem that all they excel in is producing high grade cars, cranes, and cuckoo-clocks. That, and of course, waging wars... and there is your answer.

The Germans are, (I should say were) as we know, a warring people who seem to fight incessantly. Before the capitulation of Germany in 1945, it could almost be certain that whenever the Western World saw a conflict, the Germans would show up, upsetting their opposition with less than politically correct behavior - and awesome innovative equipment. Since ancient times, they were known for devising nasty looking contraptions solely for the purpose of disemboweling something or another, and this tradition they carried with them throughout the history of Europe. By the time WWII rolled around the Germans had quite a handful of military engineers at their disposal who got right down to the business of devising clever apparatuses with which to, of course, disembowel people in some way or another. Here's what I mean - take any WWII action movie or video game, and it will be hard to find one in which there is not at least one scene or level where someone goes - "...(gasp!).. TIGER TANK !", and then the whole world goes crazy, and it's up to good ol' Tom Hanks to save the day. Now, here's my point: do you suppose the French could devise a weapon worthy of a name such as Tiger Tank? I dare say not. Perhaps a TIGGER, or a TEDDY Tank, but who would that scare? More Frenchies I suppose. How about the English?- "Everybody run, it's a TEA Tank" right? (Of course it would seem that the French and English were equally incapable of committing Genocide and other heinous acts, but thats a different story.) Genocide aside, everyone likes a fighter, the way we marvel at a cobra, stalking less capable prey, but in the same fashion, and more so, we admire the mongoose- likewise a fighter; defeater of the mighty cobra, in the name of good. Mongoose = U.S.A. Cobra = Militarist Dictatorships bent on world domination. We marvel at both, support only one. Many would suggest we pull the teeth from the Mongoose in the name of peace, but no matter how nice you make a mongoose, there will always be cobras, and a good cobras first target would be a mongoose without teeth.

The NEW and IMPROVED Dysfunctional School

I attend a certain private school whose name I will not mention out of respect for which, and my heinee. My schoolmates, with few exceptions, are hopelessly dysfunctional. I will give an example: as a generally accepted rule, all flirting must be mindless, and hushed tones are completely out of the question as, we all know, screaming and jumping about is the best way into the heart of a woman. Debates of any kind are to be dealt with in the same manner, no logic or pragmatism may be applied, just screaming. That'll settle any argument. It's crazy really.

In times past, all classes were traditional, with teachers and what not. Later when personal schedules and cost of tuition became an issue, we averted to the curriculum "School of Tomorrow", more commonly known as "PACE", a system in which one is self taught, no teachers, just books. This, however, despite its many advantages, proved to possess various shortcomings. But this is the year '09! New ideas have been considered, and one, proved...err...good.(?) We are learning via a new concept from Pensacola Christian Academy in Florida. And So, School is great this year as we have adapted a new curriculum- A Beka- or whatever. All the classes are on DVD and can be fast-forwarded. Positive mark. The geniuses at Pensacola have deemed it necessary to provide me with a set of seventy-eight books of ginormous proportions for each of my thirty-something classes, forcing me to carry three Amazon rain forests worth of paper home in my backpack every night. Negative marks there. Students are suffering from with-drawl symptoms due to the sudden lack sufficient Gym-classes-we're down to three a week instead of nine. They're shorter too, a miniscule half hour as opposed to the previously accepted two hrs/class. Positive mark for me. It seems a new concept: this silly studying behavior as opposed to colliding with one another 24/7 but we'll get the hang of it.
Oh yeah, several old Macintosh computers were donated to our school.
Yes, the immensely interesting albeit noisy speech functions included. Coincidentally, Brother Gavin, our principal, has been experiencing a heightened rate of hair loss... Positive Mark.

Diary of Disconcertion

Let me begin this, my very first post, by giving you, (certainly an unfortunate soul to have stumbled upon a manifestation of the cooky confines of my less than normal thought process), a brief summary of what exactly my blog will concern, and what has brought me to bother with such.

Firstly, let me explain the less than politically correct title, and in doing so, the theme of my blog. It is a perfect representation of the content that this page will be composed of, in that it is completely random. I have no one topic of which I wish to write. Included will be current events, world wide, or in my life, (not that I have one, heck, I'm writing a BLOG for Bonds sake!) political, spiritual, it doesn't matter, and my personal philosophy on such. You will encounter innumerable spelling and grammatticall errors, for which I am sorry but I cannot, of course, be held responsible for my own mistakes and will gladly blame the first to volunteer.

Now to explain my purpose in writing this blog. I am not in any way athletic, nor am I skilled in the numbers. Can't draw - can't sing to any considerable degree - poetry is a hassle, and anything mechanical is Icelandic to me. The only activity which requires any considerable amount of voluntary effort to accomplish that I enjoy participating in is creative writing. A friend of mine, seeing this, informed me of the whole "Blog" thing, and recommended it. So here I am. I am not, as you should have perceived by this time, a very serious person, and suffer from an unshakable habit of using heavy elements of satire, sarcasm, and randomosity which, unless I am mistaken, isn't even a word, but let's continue. In my postings, I hope to entertain you. This is my only goal. I think. Please enjoy.