Christians, Combat, and Going To Jail Because You Behave Like a Gorilla

On a windy day in one of the Bible-Belt states, an atheist stood in the center of a Speakers’ Corner, and began a demonstration in which he attempted to prove the nonexistence of God. “I’m giving God five minutes to prove his existence by knocking me off this platform!” he cried. As the minutes passed, he continued to taunt God, counting down the seconds: “Ooh, you’ve only got two minutes left, God, you better hurry!” Many passers by were amused or offended by his exploits.

Adjacent to this square was a park in which several college students were playing football. One of them, a Christian, overheard the atheists cries, and approached to investigate. The atheist remained relentless in his mockery: “God has only thirty seconds left! Looks like man is too much for him to handle!” The student, who was, of course, offended by these remarks, took a stance, and tackled the demonstrator to the ground. As he stood over the atheist, the student looked down and sneered: “God was busy so he sent me.”

“Your omnipotent God is busy?” was the man’s reply.

“Apparently.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.”

The student was confused. “And why is that?” he asked.

“Well, if your God is busy, there will be no one to protect you.”

Before the footballer could respond, he was knocked to the ground and held there by several Law, Science, and Archeology students performing a citizens arrest. When they were sure of the athletes’ immobility, they attended to the elderly atheist, who had suffered several minor cuts and bruises. Soon the police arrived, and were informed of how the football player had committed assault and battery against a man practicing his guaranteed right of free speech. It was for these charges that the student was convicted, found guilty, and punished accordingly.

I’m sure that my little twist on this story has many of you “up in arms”, as you may misinterpret it as an attack against Christians. This is not the case; nor is it a criticism of atheists. The purpose of this article is to criticize the original fable in itself. Now, the first half of this story is typically meant to be inspirational to Christians, and is told in Churches everywhere. I added the latter half to expose the absurdity of said narrative. There are several reasons why this story is flawed, and should not be used as a cute or motivational tale. Firstly, we know that God is, in the Judeo-Christian religion, an omnipotent (or all powerful) being. So, for him to be busy would be an impossibility. A being with infinite power cannot become preoccupied. Apathetic, or disinterested perhaps, but not “busy”. I don’t believe I need to explain this further.

So, since we have highlighted the underlying faulty logic of this account, let’s explore it’s glaringly benighted quality. We find a Christian, the protagonist, just as his belief in God is challenged with logic. How does he respond? Aggression. Is this the standard by which Christians claim to live? Is it not taught that we are to love our enemies and turn the other cheek? Does not the Bible say that we should “answer not a fool (one who does not believe in god) according to his folly”? We criticize Islamic extremists for advocating aggressive behavior, yet we giggle at the account of a man assailing an innocent victim in the name of religion! We should not be sending this message to anyone in our sphere of influence , lest they take it to heart, and make everything that the world believes about Christians a reality. Rather, we should develop logical, rational arguments with which to defend our beliefs (as did Jesus). Either do that, or just stay out of it.